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• Video: https://youtu.be/Zrir6ZwDFqk

This post (the writing, the video, the collages) is my ‘art’ and the least I could do as an homage to Hugi MooMoo Cande, the purest soul, who became a bigger part of me than I could ever imagine, and who passed away about two weeks ago, on the first day of spring (2026), very unexpectedly. I have never struggled with the loss of a ‘pet’ or cried as much as I have in dealing with this particular loss, and I thought I’d share his story. If anything, it is an exploration of true love, the transcendence of the soul, experiencing and dealing with trauma and feelings of guilt, and the infinitely complex experience of trying weave reality back together after dealing with a highly personal loss.

Hugi MooMoo Cande was not a ‘pet’ to me. He was my therapist, my rock, my cuddle buddy, my travel partner, my baby, my source of contentment, entertainment, and love, and he was my only real constant throughout the last few years that I started living on my own away from family with various jobs in Janesville, WI, Winston-Salem, NC, Iowa City, IA, and then the start of my time back in Appleton, WI where I graduated from Lawrence all those years ago. It wasn’t just his mere continuous presence that filled my soul; it was also his enormous personality, his stunning gorgeousness, his heartwarming quirks, his relationships, his symbolism, and his pure, shameless energy.

He was named after a mythical Norse frost giant (and a cow, and candy, thanks to my 2nd grade Americorps students in Janesville), Hugi, who symbolized that thought is always faster than action. In the myth, Hugi is known for outrunning the human Thjalfi in a race. The night before my ethereal Hugi died, he came to me in a dream, racing around a track surrounded by hundreds of people, only to go off course during the last 100m just to run over to touch my hand to remind me what I was to him before he ran off to dissipate into the air as the dream ended. While I am wary of dreams and certain conceptions of god, the meaning that this dream came to have after he passed away the following day was nothing short of providence, and it is a striking message that the truest of love doesn’t die. Hugi’s impact on me surely never will, and his legacy will be a part of me until I am fully transformed into a different kind of energy along with him.

I only had him for a few years, and he was young when he (technically a female rabbit, unbeknownst to me until I met Craig) passed away from a spay that I elected to get for him since all of the professionals and research I encountered (vets, etc.) said that it was the best decision in order to reduce the enormous chances of painful death by cancer that female rabbits over 4 years face at exponential rates. While he lived a shorter than average life that came to a rude, painful, and unexpected halt much too quickly, I can proudly say that Hugi lived every moment with the intense and utter vivaciousness, curiosity, stubbornness, and love that most people only dream about – very similar, in fact, to the legendary Don Juan, whose story I remembered upon Hugi’s passing (a symbol of living fiercely but quickly) but whose name I couldn’t recall until I found myself staring in awe at the name of the rose bush I had picked out to plant above his grave a few days later. A wink from Hugi, and not the last.

Hugi was a friend to all (except for clothes, vacuums, rugs, and cardboard boxes), and sometimes a little too friendly with Lucy the cat, Ladybug (our youngest rabbit, and another true gift from the universe), and Mo (Hugi’s live or die lover). Without Hugi, Craig and I would not have the wonderful relationship we have now. Hugi was insanely beautiful (albeit large), with his soft lop ears, eyelashes and ‘eyeshadow’ for days, his ‘Marilyn Monroe mole’ (black spot near his nose), his cute little mohawk, and his jet black eyes, one with a mysterious divit in the center. Hugi had endless quirks, such as ‘smoothing out the sheets’ / ‘rolling out the dough’ on the bed with his careful paws, his addiction to the intensive cupping/petting of his face, burrowing or nesting into every soft surface he could find, jumping back and forth over my face in the middle of the night when I couldn’t catch him to get him in his cage for bedtime in NC, always exploring new but risky frontiers (thanks for somehow getting him out of the foundation under the Airbnb in Kentucky, Dad!), and flopping in the most utterly heartwarming and contented way next to the love of his life, Mo for hours at a time.

Hugi and Mo were a truly iconic couple, starting their relationship with a sex party and then spending almost every waking moment with one another, either jumping onto the bed in the middle of the night to wake us up (the rambunctious ‘bunny fairies’), cuddling, taking turns grooming each other, devouring food side by side, tearing apart a new cardboard ‘enemy’, leading charges down the long hallway together, and even, most recently, running to the fridge together every time we opened it to ask for a ‘cookie’ (veggies). Hugi taught Mo that the Shark vacuum was nothing to fear, while the courage that Hugi coaxed out of Mo allowed Mo to teach Hugi that the Roomba was powerless over them.

Hugi also blossomed into his fullest self because of Craig, who had a remarkable instinct and knowledge for helping rabbits to flourish that is unmatched. He immediately opened his heart to everything that Hugi was, accepting him in full from the start. While often more cautious with the bunnies than I was, stocking them extra well with hay, water, specially purchased fruits and vegetables, carefully folded blankets, and stuffed animal friends, cleaning their litter boxes religiously, and giving them deep affection even on his busiest days, Craig and I have loved and laughed at Hugi and Mo as much as anyone could have, and we have learned that our combined love for them was an incredible and ever-evolving thing.

Hugi’s legacy is one of endless curiosity, sassiness, shameless individuality, the rejection of superficial or arbitrary labels (such as gender, hence his he/him/she/her/they/them pronouns and Hugi’s IDGAF attitude in general), transcendence, living fully, and, of course, loving deeply. Hugi’s dramatic departure from this earth was a true tragedy, although also suspiciously faithful to his impactful character. There will never be another rabbit like Hugi, and his passing will surely take (and has already taken) a special kind of effort to heal from. The unexpectedness, the role I played in his death (and the feelings of guilt, despite my best efforts), and the feeling of betrayal toward modern science and even statistics will all take a lot of time, thought, and tears. However, the genuine kindness and empathy I have received from so many people, the ‘winks’ from the godly universe of which Hugi is now a part, the promises and hope for the future, and the warm and unforgettable memories I will always have with Hugi have made me realize that everything is okay. Hugi reminded me that the experience of living in this world is fundamentally unpredictable, and while certain experiences may feel so hopelessly heavy, love really does keep us endlessly afloat. Hugi’s presence is especially strong in disco lights, prisms, stars, snow, and the lives of people he loved. His ‘crazier’ persona also takes the form of voices that sound like Toad from Mario.

I will always love you Hugi MooMoo <3 The impact you have made on me is incredible and unforgettable. Thank you for being there for me through it all.

Thank you everyone for opening your hearts to me in this difficult time and for your infinitely kind words that are helping me to heal.

-Josh